Coming to the end

Well, hard to believe but my 12 week maternity leave is almost over.  How can that be?  Twelve weeks seemed like such a long time when we were waiting for Lucas's arrival and when he was first born, but now it doesn't feel like long enough.  When Nolan was born I had just started my job at the PCC and did not qualify for short-term disability or FMLA so I only took about 6 weeks off, most of which was unpaid.  This time, from the day that we learned that we were expecting another baby I knew that I was going to take the full 12 weeks off.  While it hasn't always been easy it has been a wonderful 12 weeks and as the time has gone by I have really started to struggle with the idea of going back to work.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I love my job at the PCC.  As I was preparing to be off of work my coworkers would frequently ask and make sure that I was planning on coming back to work and my answer was always YES.  The thought had never crossed my mind that I would want to be a full-time stay-at-home-mom, part-time, maybe.  Kevin had even joked that he thought I would get stir crazy by week 10 and be ready to go back to work, but the opposite has happened.  As the time has gone by the more comfortable I have become at being at home.  I have enjoyed my 1:1 times with Lucas as well as days at home with both boys.  I have enjoyed doing some crafty projects, taking naps, creating photo books of the boys, lunch dates with friends, and even doing cleaning/organizing around the house.  I think if you would ask Kevin he would also say that he would like for me to stay home with the boys..if we could afford it.  This is the problem...there are still bills to be paid and at this time in our lives it is just not financially possible for me to stay at home.  So, for now I will cherish these last days at home and be thankful that I do have a great job to go back to with supportive coworkers and work that I am passionate about.